I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
