So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Boobs are out for the taking
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
