he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
