We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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