In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
