I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
