She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
