my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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