She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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