let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
