Jerry, you need to find god
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
