Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
