My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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