Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
