hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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