is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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