the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
