you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
