He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
