You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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