I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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