So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't turn off my feet"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
