Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
