Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
