What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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