Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I sprained my soul last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
