I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
