You can't motorboat a personality
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
