Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
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