walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
