This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to calm my uterus...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
