I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
