He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
