You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
