There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
