Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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