You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I didn't notice because vodka
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
