bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
