Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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