She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
