God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
