its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
