Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
