The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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