The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
