Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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