She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
