hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
