just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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