when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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