i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
