I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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