whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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